Now What?

Stephanie T, aka Emerging Princess, gives one of the first steps that she recommends that help keep you centred, after leaving a relationship.

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

Now What?


Brian Tracy

Yesterday, I went to a Brian Tracy all-day teaching. That in and of itself was not significant, but as I was coming home, I started pondering on some things.

Brian Tracy was helpful in my preparation and recovery from my abusive relationship. As I was getting ready to leave, I would listen to him and other inspirational speakers. I knew that I needed to have a change in my mind if I was to succeed at getting out of my relationship with my mind intact. I subscribed to Brian’s information e-mails, and had an inspirational e-mail delivered to my inbox each day. I read his book “Reinvention”, as I knew that I needed to find out who I was again. His “Focal Point” book kept me focused on my goal of leaving.

Blah, blah, blah…so what? I realized again, yesterday, that many people will not even enlighten their minds with a book, much less an all-day seminar. As I am getting my business going, I have made specific decisions. I have chosen not to go into debt. Last year, I sold my car, and am taking public transit. Normally, that doesn’t mean anything, but my seminar yesterday was in another city. I had many challenges getting there in the morning, and a freak storm to muddle through on the return trip. I still got there on time, and stood with other determined souls at the bus stop on the way home. A few weeks ago, I spoke of another seminar that I went to. On the Sunday morning, I had a good distance to walk to get to that seminar on time. The buses did not start running until later in the day. I could have rented a car, but I walk an hour each day anyways. I looked at it as getting my exercise for the day.

Many people are content just to get by from pay cheque to pay cheque. I am not such a person. I am looking to make a change in my world. I am looking to make a change in the lives of women who have been affected by divorce, especially if there is abuse attached to it. I am hoping too give direction to young girls, informing them about building their self-esteem so that abuse does not happen to them.

You see, right now, as Oprah said, I “prefer the pain of discipline over the pain of regret”. I’m “doing the best at this moment, to prepare me for the next moment”. Eventually, I’ll be driving a car again. I may choose to get some of the “things” that I would like to have. I hope to even start a foundation to help those less fortunate. But for now, I choose not to add a car payment to my list of bills.

Are you hungry enough? As you recover from your own problems, whether it be abuse or something else, will you stand at a bus stop in a storm to get better as a human being? Will you be willing to walk to a seminar that would help change your mental attitudes for a lifetime? Will you be willing to invest in YOU? Or are you content with a temporary “fix” that will fade like the sunset, because it feels good NOW? Hmmm…

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

The Outsiders

On Friday, I went downtown in my beautiful city. I love venturing to Toronto’s city centre. There is no shortage of beautiful sights, and interesting people! That day had an extra dose, for some reason. There was a myriad of university students smoking marijauna! Not a lover of the smell, I ventured into the Eaton Centre, and found my way to the Indigo bookstore. I love reading, so it was a natural place to settle for a while.

The discount tables often offer some fantastic deals. Besides, I had a gift card that I wanted to spend. Soon after I arrived at the table, a man came up to me and said, “Excuse me Ma’am, could you spare $2 for a cup of coffee?” I proceeded to grill the man as to why he needed MY two dollars.

This isn’t something that I normally do. Most times, I just give the change that I have laying around. If I’m on the ball that week, I would have gone to Tim Horton‘s and gotten a bunch of $5 gift cards. This way, I can be sure that the money won’t go to drugs; although to be quite certain, they won’t be getting proper food, either! But, I wasn’t ready to part with my $2 without some answers.

Why did I decide to engage that particular person is beyond me. He was fairly well-kept. His hair was not nappy, he was clean. However, after asking him why he was begging and not working to pay his way, I got a story that pulled at my heart-strings.

Daniel came to Canada with his mother years ago. From the conversation, his mother is not readily available to interact with her son. He eloquently explained that he is alone, trying to get his life together after being in a hospital for a while. He, however, did not want to be in the hospital. Daniel has schizophrenia.

I stood in the bookstore and thought, “I could feel alarmed, but I don’t”. You see, his problem was that society has ostracized him. He has not been able to find a job because who wants to hire someone with the word “schizophrenia on their resume?

As I listened to Daniel, I realized that I had a lot of negative stereotypes about what a person with schizophrenia looked like. He spoke well. He actually engaged me and made me want to know more. He was intelligent. The bookstore was one of his favourite hang-outs. One of his past times was reading Shakespeare. I don’t even read Shakespeare! Daniel and I talked for at least 20 minutes. I thought that I would like to keep in touch with him, so when he asked me for my number, I gave it to him as we separated.

As I left, I thought, “I just gave a perfect stranger my phone number”. Was I wrong to do so? Only time will tell. I do know that my conversation with him has made me ponder: We as a society are so quick to ostracized someone that doesn’t “fit in”. I know how Daniel feels. I have been shunned by the religious community because I am divorced. I have been pitied because I left an Abusive marriage. Looked-down on because I was larger (I call it fat). He was, and I have been one of “The Outsiders”.  I needed to shed MY hang-ups to let this man into my life, however that may look. I needed to be open to the fact that he may be able to teach me a thing or two about endurance, as he has been through more that I probably could have endured. I need to learn to trust. I have been badly burned by men, so it’s easy to dismiss them. I could dismiss him as being insignificant.

Last night, Daniel called. When I conversed with him again, he expressed to me how grateful he is to God for being alive. He is thankful that he has a place to call home and food to eat. “Life is good”, he said. WOW! I have embraced gratitude, but to be in his predicament, would I be thankful as well? I hope so.

I know that it was risky giving Daniel my phone number, but I think that we sometimes don’t take enough risks in life. I’ve already wasted 23 years in an abusive marriage, what have I got to lose? Oh yeah…”What if Daniel is lying?” I’ve met “normal” people who have disappointed me over and over again. I’ll take the chance on this person!

Have you ever taken a “chance” on someone? Please tell me. I’d love to hear your story.  🙂

May your cup always be full,

Emerging Princess

Related articles

Is Chocolate Really All That Bad?

As a chocoholic, I always looked for information to justify my love for the dark, delicious treat.  However, as I got older, I narrowed my picks of chocolate to only dark, 70% or darker.  That way, I didn’t have to eat as much to get the satisfaction.  A few months ago, however, I cut it out of my diet almost instantly.  Apparently, my beautiful heart does a wonderful dance, aka Pre-Ventrical Contractions, when I have too much caffeine.  So, the coffee had to go, too.  In actuality, I didn’t consume much of either~one cup of coffee every other day or so, and the same with the chocolate…1/2 ounce every couple of days.  One weekend, I imbibed on free coffee, chocolates and desserts, as I went from event to event.  An ensuing hospital stay has sworn me off having orgies of chocolate, like that one, and those from my youth.  I am now able to have just a tiny bit when I go out.  When I say, “No thank you”, people think that I have tremendous willpower.  If they only knew! 😉

The following video shows a healthy balance when it comes to eating chocolate.

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

Steel Magnolias

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In a previous post (The Sun and the Rain and the Apple Seed), I talked about being grateful for each day. Today, I’m taking that same teaching, and expanding on it.

A few weeks ago, here in Toronto, the temperature got up to summertime highs. Many plants started to bloom, like tulips, daffodils and hyacinths. Some trees also started to blossom, namely the magnolia. Due to the warmth in the atmosphere, they were fooled into thinking that spring had arrived. They don’t usually bloom until May, just before Mother‘s Day. I was a bit worried for these tulip-trees. They are hardy, but not that hardy! A few days later, the temperature plummeted by 22 C/50 F. Indeed, the overnight temperature went to below 0, or the freezing marker. I knew that a lot of plants would not survive the change in the weather.

Sure enough, I went for a walk with my little charge last week, and much to my dismay, the magnolia trees did not fare well at all. Flowers that had embraced the sunshine the week before, were now brown and shriveled as they had gotten frozen with the sudden change in the temperature. There was no hope for them. They had opened before their time.

Have you ever experienced that? Sometimes you see someone that has gotten something before they are ready? I see it every day. Kids that get gadgets before they know the value of money. They grow up thinking that the world owes them something. How about people who win the lottery? They usually spend it all within 6 months~yes, SIX MONTHS! That is because they get more money than they know how to handle. Or what about a star that is an overnight sensation? Most of them turn to some sort of coping mechanism; they don’t usually choose something good.

Remember the Byrds song, To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn? There is a part of that song that says (and it may sound morbid, but stay with me): “A time to kill, a time to heal…a time to build up, a time to break down”. If you have left a relationship, and are on the mend, stay the course…especially if the relationship was abusive. If you are going through some kind of trauma, take the time necessary to heal. Do not discount the healing time. (By the same token, I am not endorsing the victim mentality!) If your business is struggling, and you can’t see how things are going to get better, stay the course. But prepare for your good.

Why am I writing this blog today? There is someone who is thinking that things won’t get better. I don’t know your situation, but I do know that sometimes our greatest obstacle is between our two ears. I have been working my business for a year now. I have been dangerously close to giving up. I almost did in February. However, during this time, I have kept learning. I have constantly studied and strategized. I constantly kept moving forward despite the external conditions. Now, things are coming together that I could not have even imagined 1 year ago. I also knew that if they did happen 1 year ago, I would have blown it big time! This last year was an incubation stage, a time to really get to know what I wanted. It is now my time to “build up”, or be built up.

There were a lot of ‘hot’ moments throughout this time. I could have been like the magnolia tree and opened up, only to get burned, or frozen due to my lack of preparation. Now is the perfect time, I can fully see it. Sometimes hindsight is 20/20 vision~but usually with a lot of scar tissue to go with it. During this incubation time, whatever you need it for, prepare your mind to win. There is a season for everything.

May your cup always be full,

Emerging Princess

How To Snag The Perfect Mate

This is a coaching tip on how to “snag” a mate. It’s not just for someone who has left an abusive relationship. The points are for anyone looking for a partner. I hope you enjoy it. Please “like” the video, and leave comments. 🙂


My Recent ShimmerZine Article

I am a featured writer for the April issue of ShimmerZine magazine.  This is my first article to appear in a magazine, so I can say that I am a “published” author now!  It is a Christian article, based on the interesting people that I encounter on the transit system in my city.  I hope you enjoy it.  Please click the link below:

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

156 Days To Freedom

Today starts the countdown to my book:  Water for the Journey: 156 Days to Freedom

This has been a longer-than-anticipated trip.  When I started writing the book, 2 years ago at about this time, I thought that my book would have been published by that fall (2010).  I submitted it to a publisher, was accepted, and was faced with two huge challenges:  1.  publishers keep 90% or more of book proceeds, and 2. they refused to publish my book in colour.  My book, my baby, needed to be printed in colour.  I had water imagery from all over the world in it.  Black and white just didn’t cut it.  I turned down the publisher and decided to self-publish.  (As time went on, I realized that getting a publisher to say YES was a huge accomplishment.  Call me naive!)

Self-publshing takes a great deal of money.  So my book sat for the better part of 18 months, waiting for the right moment.  Then, in November, it started to crawl.  I set the wheels in motion again, thinking that it would be possible to get it out by May.  As I work better under pressure, I even rewrote the main storyline in less than a month.  However, when we got into February, it became apparent that May was not the time, either.  It  was heartbreaking when I came to the realization that I had to put the book off again.  This time, the difference is that I now have much more in place than I did last November.

The storyline is a difficult one.  Anyone that knows me, knows that I deal with Violence Against Women.  This book takes that one step farther, as the heroine is going through her abuse while living as a Christian.  Will I get flack for that?  I hope so.  The problem of abuse in the church is huge, and I have no qualms about talking about it.  What I hope the most, though, is that I can help one woman who is suffering in an abusive relationship right now.  If I help one woman, then my work on earth is complete.  All others are icing on the cake.

At present, I am working on getting sponsorships for the book.  It is a unique concept, especially in the Christian community.  Advertisers who align with the theme of the book, will have the opportunity to sponsor a chapter.  When I go to events to speak, I will also promote my sponsors.  When you consider that a book lasts a lot longer than a print or TV ad, it can be a very inexpensive method of advertising.  The clincher is getting sponsors to “bite”!

I will be updating my page and blog regularly with the status of the book.  I know that my book’s graphic designer, Hensher Creative, is longing to get this project done.  (I think that the cover is fantastic, but maybe I’m biased!)  Closer to the book release date, I’ll be having contests to build momentum.  The day of the book release, I will also have a contests to build momentum.  I intend on having a bestseller!

Please “Like” my page so that I can get up in ranking!  This should be a stellar summer!

My book release date is September 14th, 2012, exactly 156 days from today!

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

Ain’t No Stoppin Us Now!

As I mentioned in previous blogs, I was at a conference this past weekend.  Although I had heard many parts of the programme before, I knew that re-auditing the class would help me with some of the areas in my life that I was stuck in.  I was not disappointed. I learned that there are four types of people in the world:  the promoters~they are flamboyant people who love to party, and they sometimes (unknowingly) embellish the truth.  Then there are the
supporters.  These people love giving and hugging, they are the relationship people.  The go-getters are focused on getting from point A to point B, and will run over the supporters to get there.  And then there are the analysts.  Analysts love thinking about problems, researching solutions and coming to a conclusion, although they may not do anything with the actual findings.  They also love lists.  Analysts are usually writers.  I am an analyst.

Discovering that aspect of my life was eye-opening for me.  I have tried very hard to step outside the box in so many areas of my life.  However, I started looking at my surroundings…the main floor of my house had to be extremely tidy…the candy jar was in a specific spot on the coffee table, and the metronome was on a specific side of the piano.  I folded towels a specific way, put them in the drawers in the exact same spot every time.  My closet is colour-coded, and I have my shoes in that order as well.

And then, last night, it hit me…I don’t have to do everything the same way ALL the time.  There are things that it doesn’t matter if it’s done a specific way.  I can bend the “rules” a little.  I rushed upstairs and grabbed my grandson.  I decided to give him a treat that I had been denying him.  My bed has pocket coils.  He could jump on it, and it wouldn’t be a problem.  When I asked him whether he wanted to jump on Meamah’s bed, he said, “Yeah!”  He jumped and jumped for ages, and then we had a wonderful pillow fight.  When his Auntie came home, he said, “I jumped on Meamah’s bed.”  “Who’s bed?  Not MY mother’s!”  was her astonished reply.

This morning, I got up and made most of my bed, except my pillows (I have 11).  Instead of placing them in their normal lines, my pillows were made into two towers instead.  Each day, I will find a new way to stack my pillows.  Why not?  There is no law that says that pillows have to go the same way every day.

At the conclusion of the workshop this weekend, we were encouraged to make 90-day goals that stretched us.  As if he knew that I had a breakthrough, my friend invited me to join him on a huge 90-day challenge as well, which I agreed to.  In conversation, he alluded to the fact that he had “problems” setting up the FB group.  After giving a quick tutorial on setting it up, he said:  “How about you setting up the group, and I can be an administrator?”  I’m thinking,  “Great, thanks.  You’re a dear!”  I know that he wants to stretch me, and the feigned ignorance was just a ploy!   Would I say no, would I say yes?  The challenge that now lies before me is that I need to get out of my comfort zone.

The group is public, and anyone can join.  I’m already blogging, so what do I have to lose?   The group’s mandate is is to be a community for people who are wanting to achieve a goal in the next 90 days.  It doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional, financial, spiritual.  In the group, we will be discussing what works for each of us, where we are having problems if any, and sharing inspiration and photos to help each other along on the journey.  I encourage you to join the group if there is something that you are trying to achieve in the next 90 days.  My questions to you are this:   Are you up for a challenge?  Are you embracing the liberal side of life by taking chances?   Are you living a legacy so that people will remember you?  And as our financial advisors would ask, have you built a dynasty?

The 90-day FaceBook challenge allows you to grab a goal by the horns and hold on for the ride of your life.  If you’re game, you can check out the following link:
The Challenge: 90 Days To A New You

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess


You Are A Hero

This weekend, I went to an intensive self-improvement seminar.  The facilitator actually called it a class.  To be quite frank, I have been to only one other class where I learned as much in such a short period of time.

One of the things that hit home for me is this:  I am a hero.  You, too, are a hero.  I am a hero to someone who I read something that I wrote or heard a speech that I gave, and from it, was motivated to make a change in their life.  You are a hero to someone, somewhere.  You don’t know whether your kindness or position  has  made an impact on someone’s life.

So many times, we go through life with a laissez-faire attitude, not thinking nor caring about what an impact our actions have on someone else.  Can it be that someone is watching you?  Could you be a secret hero?  Are you living to leave a legacy, or are you just living?


May your cup always be full,

Emerging Princess

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Water For The Journey

Book Release PartyOctober 25th, 2013
The long-awaited release of Water For The Journey: 156 Days To Freedom. All day givaways and book release party!
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