Excuse Me…Part 2

Excuses are the things that we keep telling ourselves as to why we don’t do something. In the previous post, I talked about FEAR. One of the underlying reasons why we don’t act, is summed up the word excuses.

Excuses are lies, plain and simple. We may blame somebody, something or ourselves, but they are lies. I’ll give you an example:

I have an issue with time. I have been late many times in my life. Sometimes it is only a few minutes. However, for family functions, it could be as much as an hour. For appointments, I could use the excuse that: 1. The subway had a delay, or 2. There was a traffic jam. For the family function, I could inform them that they wanted me to bake bread, after all. It takes 3 hours to make bread, and 1 hour to make no-bake cheesecake! Riiiight. Well, since I brought these topics up, let’s find the holes in my excuses, cleverly disguised as “reasons”.

When I am late for an appointment, do I leave with extra time, or do I time it to get there without a hitch? I leave time for the “without a hitch” scenario, of course! Why would I want to sit in a reception area for an indefinite amount of time? To make a good impression? Yeah, I frequently am running out the door to catch a bus, or sitting in traffic wondering why there are so many people on the road.  Upon arrival at my destination, I find myself running to the appointment to get there with 1 minute to spare. Sweaty face and palms…Good impression!

Now to the baking of the bread thing: Baking bread does take time. However, it is also very methodical. The great thing about bread is, even if it was baked that morning or the night before, it will probably still taste quite fresh. Shot down, yet again!

The truth of the matter is that I never budget enough time. Before recent events, I never gave allowances for getting to appointments on time. My previous coach said that I actually wanted to be EARLY. Yeah. Early has a nice ring to it.

In my blogs, I have often referred back to my healing process. While recovering from my relationship, I was also studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that there is always a payoff for every action. For me, I believe that I hate wasting time. Sitting and doing nothing (although I never, ever do that), seems like such a waste, in my eyes. I feel like I have control when I get to an appointment “just in time“. Am I giving up control by being early? Hardly.

What excuses are you telling yourself for your actions? Things like, “We’ve always done it like this”; “I don’t know how”; “It’s too hard”; and “What will people say?” are all excuses. We may call them reasons, but given a few simple questions, I’m sure you can also poke holes through each of the above comments, too!

Whether it’s change or something familiar done in a different way, trying something new is inevitable in this life. We might as well ditch the excuses and learn to stretch and grow in your new life. The alternative is familiarity and conformity. You know what they say about familiarity… 🙂

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

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Life Lessons

Sigh…Wish It Wasn’t So!

Excuse Me…

Excuses are the #1 killer of dreams. Most people don’t know that excuses form as a result of a hidden fear of something that we don’t want to address. So, we can say that fear is the number one killer of dreams. As humans, we can come up with incredibly fruitful ideas that may turn out to be very lucrative, or even make it so that we don’t have to ever work again. I’m sure you have had one, “you know what would be cool?” idea. Why don’t we act on them?

The answer is FEAR. I know from experience, I was very scared to try anything new after starting my new life. I had already failed at marriage…I apparently sucked at picking a mate. Adventure? Risk? No way!

I volunteer with an elementary school in my city. I love the age group that I work with~the grade 4s. At this age, the kids are still somewhat free and easy, but they are also coachable. What I learned from them, and still continue to learn, is that some parents start teaching their children to be fearful, based on their own experiences. Then there are the ones whose parents teach them that the world is their oyster, open it up and claim their pearl! This behaviour is evident, especially when going on special trips, such as the swimming pool.

On a trip to the pool one day, the kids were assessed on their ability to swim a short distance. We had everything from the tip-toers to the dolphins, making their way across the pool. The dolphins inspired me! They dove from the deep end, and swam as if they were one with the water. I was buoyed to let go of my fear of the water, and get back in the pool. (I had not worn a bathing suit in over 25 years!) Igad, that would mean I had to buy a bathing suit. Ugh! Have you SEEN my thighs? After finding an appropriate suit, I had to get back into the water.

Ironically, around the same time, a fellow business classmate asked if I would like to go sailing. I should clarify that~would I like to MAN a sail? After agreeing, I promptly forgot about it, until the day of the event. By then, it was too late to back down, and my kids reminded me of that fact that I was afraid of the water. “Too late”, I said, as I headed to the pier.

I took one look at the sailboat and the open lake, and decided that I was done with it. What a blast! I got into the boat and at times was soaked when the boat tipped at a 45° angle to the lake. Enjoying myself was not something that I originally anticipated. But it was my choice. I said I would help. I needed to pull my weight. If I was gonna sail, though, I might as well have fun doing it!

From that day, it was easy to get into the pool. I have not learned to swim yet, but I am no longer fearful of the water. Ironically, while at the pool with the schoolkids, there were some acronyms for fear posted on the bulletin board. Most people know the original one:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

I also learned this one:

Finding

Excuses

And

Reasons

But the one I said “ouch” to was:

Failure

Expected

And

Received

Can you say, “Anbesol“? I had so many reasons why I didn’t go into a pool. It was bad for my hair and my skin. (Hello, there are salt water pools!) I couldn’t find an appealing bathing suit. My thighs are too large! I could go on and on. But, when I let go of those excuses and reasons, I was able to do something outside of my comfort zone, AND enjoy myself. The surprise was that I didn’t fail at it. I wasn’t a pro at swimming or sailing, but I wasn’t a failure at it, either.

Susan Jeffers says, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyways.” Feeling fear is a natural part of our existence. Being paralyzed by it impedes our growth. Why don’t we find another acronym for fear? How about:

Fantastic

Expectations

Always

Rewarded

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

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Water For The Journey

Book Release PartyOctober 25th, 2013
The long-awaited release of Water For The Journey: 156 Days To Freedom. All day givaways and book release party!
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