Powerful i AM

I have often shared my story of how I left an abusive relationship. I have many, many stories inside me about how this affected my life, and the lives of my kids.  Today, I am going to share parts my Powerful i AM talk, which I prepared for High School girls.

It’s been almost five years that I left my 23-year, verbally abusive marriage.  My girls were the reason I stayed, and ultimately why I also left.  Financial independence, or lack thereof, is one of the most pressing reasons why women stay in domestic violence.  I was no exception. I didn’t think that I could make it on my own. To be quite honest, I thought that I wouldn’t be able to make ends meet, that I would be always living below the poverty line.  Well, I’ve done that for many of those solo years since leaving. I survived, and I definitely would shake the image that most people have of how poverty looks. That is for another blog!

I stated that I also left because of my girls. Towards the end of my marriage, the two children that were still at home would beg me to leave each and every day. I’d work the 2-10pm shift, and when I came home, they would come out of their rooms and say, “Mumsy, can we leave tonight, pleeeese?”  Or I’d call home on my breaks, and there would be some incident that happened between their father and them.   It truly was mayhem on steroids! One of the biggest driving reasons that cemented my decision to leave was my eldest daughter.  While she was at home, she was the one that got the angriest when her father would yell at me. Yet, despite the fact that she hated what her father did to me, she, too, chose to enter into a verbally abusive relationship.  To make matters worse, she was now pregnant, and determined, like I was, to make her family work.

The knowledge of this, and the stress from my own situation, sent me into a breakdown just before I left. This “meltdown” was extremely hard to go through, as I could not show my ex-husband that I was leaving. So I had a strategic breakdown. Work gave me 2 weeks to get my act together. I sought therapy, and allowed myself to mourn. I gave myself permission to feel the pain of staying in a relationship so long. I grieved the wasted time.  I felt the guilt of exposing my kids to a bully, and therefore setting them up to be bullied~or to be a bully. I journalled my feelings and sobbed and belly-wept.  It was interesting that during this time, I went to places that I once feared~like the park areas above Niagara Falls, which was near my home, and other places with swift-moving waters. Then I went home and held it all together.

After I left the relationship, there was just one thing on my mind: “Get my Baby Girl out!”  There was a motto at the shelter that the Counsellors would tell us: “The longer you’re in, the longer you’re in.” It may not make any sense initially when you read that. I KNEW that if I didn’t convince my daughter  to leave soon, it would be harder later. It became painfully clear to me that Children Learn What They Live, and my daughter had learned from the master.  Here is the poem that I now share with people:

Words of Wisdom…

And I’ll add:

If a child lives with abuse, they learn how to abuse, or be abused.

This is my grandson. He is a beautiful little boy, and smart as a whip!

Ethan Posing

He has a Mother, two Aunties, a Meamah and a Grandma, that are behind him to make sure he is a polite and courteous little boy~and I’ll tell ya, this has been a challenge!. We make sure that he treats women exceptionally well. Why? Because his heritage has flaws in that department. And there is no way that any of the women in his life will stand by and let this little life be ruined!  His mother made it out!

Instead of one person learning how to live after abuse, there were four. My eldest daughter and I went through programs to help us cope with the emotions of living with abuse.  I still take courses and training to improve my mind, and make me a better human being.  The one thing that I have learned which, is a common thread throughout each program is: You have the capability of changing your destiny with the words:  i AM.  You can climb mountains, you can be an entrepreneur, you can make millions, and you can bounce back after abuse. I learned that:  i AM Powerful!

i AM has helped me retrain my mind.  As I was recovering, I would tell myself, “I am amazing”; “I am beautiful”; “I am a good friend”; “I am an All-Star”; “I am successful”!

i AM can shift your destiny!  It can put fire in your belly, and help you up from the crumpled heap that someone may have left you in.

Fill in the blanks for yourself…i AM:

Amazing                               Vivacious

           Unique                                 Blessed

Fantabulous                                  Bold

Extraordinary                                 Strong

                     Smart                               Joyful

                      Brilliant                               Courageous 

My beautiful daughter graduated from college as a Fashion Designer. She is stunning, smart (h’mm, I see a trend here), and an amazing aspiring Designer.

Stephanie & Family-67

(Holla all you Fashion Peeps that can hook a Sista up!)  Yes, it took her a little longer to finish school (ok, a LOT longer).  She was determined that she would re-write her future with the words i AM.  She can tell her own story.  I know that the words i AM changed her destiny!

YOU ARE POWERFUL!

Stephanie, Now the Renaissance Queen

Pursue Your Passion & Live A Legacy

~~~~~~~~~~~

When I created the talk for High School girls, I designed a logo to go with it.  Today, I release the t-shirts that go with this talk. The logo says Powerful i AM, and you can get any empowering word (that is not offensive to race, gender or creed) added to it. I hope you enjoy the ones that I have designed already. If you have an idea for a word that you don’t see (and there will be lots), please e-mail me at programs@createdtoexcel.ca, and I will be happy to get it done for you.

Courageous

Go here to purchase the tees for $20. Thank you, in advance, for your support.

~S

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The Game Changer

Every now and then, something happens in our lives, and we are changed forever.  It can be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce, the birth of a child…It seems like we constantly come across things that challenge our very existence as human beings.

Yet, isn’t that what life is made of?  Isn’t life made up of the birth of children, the graduation from college, the marriages, the divorces, loss of jobs, and finally death?  Why, then, are we so unable to deal with life?  Or is it that some events affect us more than others, and knock us over the head like a two-by-four?

I deduce that it is the latter.  I believe that sometimes an event affects us so deeply that it becomes a Game Changer in our life.  Game Changer is defined as: an event, idea, or procedure that effects a significant shift in the current way of doing or thinking about something.  Say that three times fast!  Sometimes, I believe that Game Changers don’t even have to be huge.  It can just be the realization that you do not want to do things the same way anymore.  So, how does one get past the Game Changer life event?  I believe that there are many ways, and I’ll touch on a few of them here:

  • Stop, Drop & Roll:  Analyzation can be the first step in getting past the Game Changer event.  What brought you to this place in time?  Was it preventable?  What can you learn from the event?  What are the steps that you now wish to take now to remedy this situation?  Having a plan can often be half the battle won.
  • Gratitude:  Holla!  I know when I am grumpy, what to trace it back to…un*grate*ful*ness!  It seems like such a small thing, but gratitude can bring about a huge change in a person’s life.  I have been journaling for most of my adult life in one form or another.  I have been solidly gratitude journaling for about 5 years.  When I am not grateful, I become critical of my life, as well as other people. I also become lethargic, and I lose my joy.  There are many different ways to do gratitude journaling, but that is not the jist of my writing today.  The idea is to write!  Being grateful for three things each day will start to shift your negative head space.  You may not believe it, but it is very true.  Try it before you go about your day, or if you are morning-challenged like myself, use a few minutes before bed to get your gratitude fix.  Before long, you’ll find things to be grateful for besides your family, food and shelter!  😉
  • Share The Load:  there are people somewhere who have been through what you have.  I am a consummate stuffer.  I keep my feelings to myself, don’t like to talk about my problems, and I’ve grown up with the mantra of “people don’t have to know yer business” ringing in my head.  Although some things need to be kept private (or shared only with trusted close friends), sharing some of the things that you are going through helps lighten the load.  If it is a serious Game Changer, you may wish to reach out to a counselor.  Emotional health is end goal. The best people that I have ever reached out to are coaches (not just because I am one).  When I work with a coach, the accountability factor helps me move forward past the event, and on to accomplishing my goals in record time.  Consider getting a Coach to help you, and if it’s not possible, reach out to an accountability partner or group.
  •  Pursue Passion!  Often, just the event alone will open ones’ eyes up to the fact that you were just going through the motions…doing the same-old same-old, living numb.  Why go to a job if you are not passionate about it, or do anything if we are not putting our all into it?  When given a chance to examine our life, we realize that we have let much of our life slip away without embracing it, without doing what we really wanted, without Living a Legacy or being Passionate.

This is precisely what happened to me, except, I had a series of Game Changers (lucky me!).  I had things that I went through that opened my eyes to the fact that half of my life had passed, and I had not embraced it.  I had not done many of the things on my bucket list.  To top things off, I certainly wasn’t living Passionately, much less Living a Legacy (see previous blog posts).

My Game Changers showed me that a change had to be made.  I decided that life was to be embraced!  I chose to have only good days.  I enjoyed people, food, nature, events~whatever came my way, I found a way to get the good out of it.  Yes, even a car accident!  I started connecting with people through hugs (and became known for them), and mindfully getting past superficial chit-chat to finding out what was their bliss.  Along the way, I researched what made me tick, what made my heart sing, how I wanted to give back to my community, and what I wanted my Legacy to look like.  I discovered that forgiveness is a huge factor in happiness, and I wrote a manual to help my Coaching clients work through their own forgiveness issues.  Over the course of 4 years, I created a program that I now call Passion Posse, and started embarking on my Preferred Passion Path~the final piece of living Passionately.

And it’s a Game Changer!  To show some of the steps that I took to get on the Passion Path, ladies (guys can join, but I am focusing on lady problems!), I invite you to join me on December 11th, 2013, as I present a webinar called:  Dumping the Numb:  7 Steps to a More Passionate Life.  Who is this webinar for?  It’s for the professional woman, either in business or an entrepreneur.  Maybe you have been superwoman for a long time.  Perhaps you have a family, maybe you are single…either way, the passion has gone out of your life.  These 7 Steps will help give you some tools to help put some pep back in your step.

I am releasing details about this webinar today because it is December 6th, a very significant day here in Canada.  I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse.  I want to honour the fallen women from Montreal who died senselessly so many years ago on this date.  I will also be revealing a partnership with three organizations connected to DV~December 6 Fund, hEr VOLUTION and World Vision~ but you’ll have to get on the training call to know the details!

You can register for the webinar here.  If you miss it, you can get it on replay, but you have to be registered to get the replay.

Remember:  Pursue Your Passion & Live a Legacy

Stephanie

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Monday Motivation~July 8th, 2013

I have been reading a lot about beliefs, and how they affect our actions. Here is a quote from a book that I’m reading right now:

“People don’t buy things, they buy people. Why would someone buy you? Do you think that you are valuable enough? Whatever you believe, they will buy.
Are you selling yourself short? Are you selling what you want to be selling?”
~Mark Victor Hansen

Don’t sell yourself short!

Pursue Your Passion, Live Your Legacy!

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

Porcupine Pie

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  As I naturally lean theologically, this one came to me today.

Yesterday (June 12th, 2013), my eldest daughter graduated from college.  Although the journey took a circuitous route, my daughter is now “legally” a fashion designer.  There are so many metaphors in this single occasion.  I’m going to zero in on one.

As you can see from the pic below, me and my daughter rock “natural” hair (as do my other 2 daughters).  This can be a big issue for the woman of colour.  Some prefer to go through the trials of having relaxers, weaves or wigs.  My girls and I are NOT to making a statement.  We are NOT proving that we are better than anyone.  We just prefer our own hair, as it comes out of our scalp.  This has been a bone of contention for my former partner.  He is of the belief that “something” should be done with hair for black women.  Either way, I believe that there is no place to push your views of how you believe someone should wear their hair.

After her graduation ceremony, my daughter went to greet her father.  The first thing out of his mouth was, “When are you going to do something with your hair?  I’ll give you some money.  Oh, congratulations, by the way.”  He served up an unwanted piece of Porcupine Pie.  Little did he know, this diss allowed me the freedom of enjoying the reception at her commencement.  She fully made no effort to find him in the crowd after that.  I hung out with my daughter’s friends, took pictures and gave hugs.  My daughter and I were then were able to enjoy a leisurely afternoon together, walking through downtown Toronto.

Later that evening, my daughter did connect with her father.  He now lives alone.  His words have pushed away the people who are supposed to be the closest to him.  It truly is a sad thing.  Yet, isn’t life about relationships?  Isn’t is great to be in the company of another human being, having conversation and connection?  I know what it was like while I was in the abusive marriage.  I wished that I could talk to people.  I wished that I had a friend.  I wished that I wasn’t so alone.

The thing is, the choice is ours.  It is up to us whether we give love, or Porcupine Pie.  I now choose to give big to the people I come in contact with.  I choose to have deep, meaningful conversations with lots of people, especially 20-something year olds.  There are many youngsters who call me Meamah or “Mrs. T.” even though they are not my own child.  If someone willingly chooses to call me an endearment such as that, what an honour to be thought of so highly!  I choose to hug lots and lots of people.  I believe that when you love on people, you will never be alone.  My arms and my heart are big enough.  So at holidays, my house is full of people who may (or may not) have family nearby, and they want pleasant company.  At any given moment, my kids may say to me, “Mumsy, my friend(s) are coming over”.  They weren’t able to to that before.  I will guard that freedom like a hawk.  There’s no joy greater than knowing you have influenced someone positively.

Proverbs 15:1 says:  “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. [NLT])  Or, it turns away a whole family.  And there is a saying by Elbert Hubbard:  “In order to have friends, you must first be one.”  H’mmm…interesting.  Porcupine Pie anyone?  Not a chance.  I’m learning to be that which I desire.

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

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Yes, there actually IS a song called Porcupine Pie!  (Don’t ask…)

Choices: Victim vs. Responsible

This is a hard blog to write, and I’m gonna do it anyways.

Twenty-seven years ago this month, I moved out on my own.  I didn’t like the guidelines that my parents had in place.  They were too strict, to old-fashioned.  I wanted to do my own thing; make my own rules; go my own way.  I was almost 21.

When I did that, I walked away from my faith as I knew it, and my family.  By that summer, I was pregnant with my first child, living far away from my hometown and my family.  Although I was alone and pregnant, I WAS IN CHARGE!!

As time progressed, I decided to marry my baby’s father, despite the fact that he displayed a bad temper.  My parents tried to dissuade me from marrying him, saying that it wasn’t going to last.  At the time, I thought that it was because they believed he wasn’t “good enough”.  I wanted to have a complete family.  I was gonna prove them wrong!

My parents were right!  I stayed in a marriage, that turned out to be verbally abusive, for 23 years.  I left three times, trying to find peace during a very bad situation.  The last time I left, it was for good.

This past week, I have been repeatedly listening to a CD called “Victim vs. Responsible” by the late Brian Klemmer.  I thought back to the many times that I wanted to blame people for the choices that I made to create my reality.  Often, I defended m passive stand in situations, rather than standing up and moving in my power.  So much wasted time!

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We go through life not realizing the impact of the word CHOICE.  The choices we make today may impact this afternoon, our week, a year, or a lifetime.  I CHOSE to think that I knew better than my parents~they were right!  I CHOSE to have unprotected sex~I had a baby as a result.  I CHOSE to marry a man with a temper, despite the signs~he didn’t disappoint, and abused me verbally.  I CHOSE to go back to him twice~I received more of the same.  I CHOSE not to go back~I now live free!

I’m not negating the fact that I was a “victim of abuse”.  I am saying that I am now whole and can own that I had a part in.  I chose to give my power away.  (When you are in an abusive situation as a victim, you do not see the word CHOICE in the same light.)

Now, I actively choose, instead of playing the victim.  I choose to only have good days.  I choose to live peacefully.  I choose to let go, so that I can receive.  I choose to forgive so that I can thrive.  I choose to be grateful each and every day.  I choose to have a joyful heart.  I choose to smile.  I choose to help people reach their destiny.  I choose to hug, and get close to people~even though that means that I may occasionally get sick.  Because, I also choose to leave a legacy of being a giver and someone who cares.  So that means that I also choose to love people, even if it means I’ll get hurt.

Are you happy with the choices you are making?  Will they create a legacy that you can be proud of?  Are you a victim, or are you responsible?

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

www.createdtoexcel.ca

Theological Thursday~Forgive & Thrive

It’s Thursday, and time for another post from a Christian point of view.  Hope you enjoy.  Please comment!

I was on my way…I started regaining my self-esteem.  Joy was becoming a part of my every day life.  Things were starting to look good.  Then, BAM!!  The blame game hit.

Have you ever played the blame game?  I believe we all have, at some time.  Growing up, we’d blame our brothers or sister(s) for taking a cookie from the jar, “He did it first”, after all.  And for many of us, it never stopped.

“If only she’d do this”, or “Why doesn’t he do that?”  Sound familiar?

Asking For Forgiveness

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

That was precisely the position that I was in.  I was blaming my former partner for the predicament that I was in.  And in the process, I was carrying around a huge dose of unforgiveness.  This, I knew, could very well turn into bitterness.  And bitterness causes a host of dis-eases.

While grumbling about my situation one day, my eldest child looked at me and said,

“Mumsy, our father never did this while you were married, why would he start now that you have left?”   If you can’t say Amen, say Ouch!  That hurt~and it came from my own kid!

Yet, that’s just the message that The Lover of My Soul wanted me to hear.  I needed to Forgive in order to Thrive.  He cared about me so much more than a misguided former mate.  I needed to let go, and let God.  I had every right to hold on to the hurt.  I had every right to be upset about the state of my finances.  Yet, I did not have a right to hold on to it, and harp over it again and again.  I had no right to be God’s judge.  His word says,

“Do not take revenge, my friends”, Romans 12:19a.  I was also reminded that we are to forgive “70 x 7” times (some say 77).  [An aside here~I believe that one should forgive the sin.  If this sinner is preventing God’s plan for your life from being fulfilled, it may be prudent to remove yourself from the situation.  Just sayin’!]

As time went on, I realized that my Father loved me so much that, although money was a challenge, my family was never hungry.  We moved into a house and I didn’t have a job or references; people guided us to food banks; hampers and gift cards showed up at our door at Christmas.  Miracles were, and still are, a part of my everyday life.

Now, these things possibly could have happened without the forgiveness.  However, I don’t thing that we would have thrived.  I don’t think that we would have been as grateful.  I KNOW that I would not have been as grateful.  To be sure, a grateful heart is more receptive to gifts~big and small.  When a person has unforgiveness in their heart, they cannot be grateful at the same time.  They will accept gifts with an entitlement view.  I’ve seen this quite frequently.  After a person forgives, it’s like the flood-gates of Heaven open up.  The shackles around one’s heart, head and feet, break off.  I know that~speaking from experience~it’s really tricky to walk with shackles on my feet!

The Lover of My Soul was right.  I thrive more and more.  Forgiveness, then, was not for the perpetrator.  Forgiveness was, and is an act of love for my family, myself, and my future!

 

May Your Cup Always Be Full!

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

You’re An All-Star

Mono portable Radio Tape Recorder from the Ger...

Mono portable Radio Tape Recorder from the German brand Universum (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s Thursday…time for another “Theological” post from a Christian perspective.  Enjoy!

“I feel so ugly, so unloveable.”  The hot shower soothed my body, as the sobs wracked my form.  This was my hideaway; the only place that I could cry without my kids hearing me.

It was a few months after becoming single again.  Although I was enjoying my freedom, my mind was still held hostage.

“You’ll never succeed at that.”

“Why can’t you ever get things right?”

And on and on the tape recorder played. (A tape recorder is displayed on the right-hand side.) 🙂

“Father, please show me something tangible; something positive about myself that I can hold onto.”  God, in His ever-loving mercy, always hears us.  We just don’t always listen.  This time I did.

“Check your e-mails”, I heard.  Thinking back now, I am aware that He didn’t tell me to open my Bible to such and such a verse.  I needed human validation and compliments.

Reading positive e-mails were a significant key to helping me re-build my self-esteem.  I typed up some of the compliments that people had given me, laminated them and put them on my bathroom mirror.  At the time, I needed to see things like,

“You’re An All-Star”, or that I was a “wonderful friend”.

The mind renewal began, and I continued healing with a 12-Step Programme and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).  On days that were heavy, I went into my ceramic oasis, and I said the truths out loud.  Sometimes, many times, they were recited through tears.

The Lover of My Soul put people in my path to bless me, and pour positivity into my life.  As the days wore on, He showed me that I was lovable.  He loved me first~even before this world began.

Wow, what an AMAZING love that is!  How could I keep THAT to myself?  I decided to take the spotlight off myself and my problems by adding more volunteering to my daily activities.  (It is something that I urge my clients to do even now.)  It wasn’t the same love as when I was married, yet, I was still giving love away.  Put under a microscope, if you examine this love, it’s probably healthier, purer, and flowing from a heart of compassion.

I realized that the Lover Of My Soul desires that my heart remain soft, and not let bitterness creep in.  This way it is open to first being filled by HIM.  Yes, I AM An All-Star, because He says so!

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.   ~Romans 12:2

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

Just Try It (You’ll Like It)

Brussels Sprouts

Brussels Sprouts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We will soon be at http://www.EmergingPrincess.com.  Keep Posted! 

C’mon, you’ve said that phrase to someone before, haven’t you?  If you’re a Mom, you’ve probably used it on your kids.  “Just try it,” we usually say this when the kids have turned their noses up at the sight of broccoli or squash.  I remember having to eat brussels sprouts when I was a kid.  The phrase “try it” was not in my parents’ vocab.  It was, “Eat it, or else!”

I recall cooking brussels sprouts again when I was an adult.

“I haven’t tried it in a while,” I thought.  “It may have improved.”  Not!  It was still the yucky vegetable that I remembered.

Years after that, I saw the cruciferous fiend, still on stalks, at a farmer’s market.  I stood in front of the stall reluctantly.

“These are freshly picked”, the farmer said.  They are delicious.  You gotta try it.”  Eagerly, I brought them home.  I sautee’d them with onions and garlic.  I proudly served it to my kids.

“The farmer at the market said that these were fresh and delicious.  We’re gonna try it again.”  I have to tell ya, my kids were not very eager.  They took a bite of one and said,

“Blech—this is bitter!”  I could feel disbelief sweeping over me.  I believed the farmer.  Surely, he wouldn’t steer me wrong?  I tried one and…

“Blech!”  I said as I spat it out into the garbage.  I then promised the kids that they did not have to eat anything that I thought was yucky.  Apparently, the farmer’s idea of delicious and mine were miles apart.

Let me ask you, when you “try” something, do you expect to succeed?  The very act of trying, by definition, means:

  1. 1.  Make an attempt or effort do something
  2. 2.  An effort to accomplish something; an attempt

During a recent seminar, the facilitator of created many “Aha” moments for the class, by pointing out that, as humans, we often keep “trying” instead of doing.  After all, Nike’s slogan is “Just do it”, not “Just Try To Do It”.  That revelation hit me like a tonne of bricks.  There were so many things that I tried in the past (and not completely succeed at).  The most important thing was that I was applying that view to my business.  I was “trying” to be successful instead of focusing on doing it.  I am glad that I was already at a point where I was re-organizing what I was doing and how I was going to do it.

So, here’s where Emerging Princess is going.  My original coaching business, “Created to Excel”, will be brought under the umbrella of Emerging Princess.  My coaching is still for women.  My focus will now be “Helping Women Recover From Life’s Setbacks”, not just from abuse.  The mandate is:  Hope, Direction & Strength for Hurting Women.  If you’ve:

*  Lost a spouse (due to relationship break up)

*  Lost a job,

*  Lost a home

*  Lost all your money, or

*  Lost the zeal for living;

I’ve been there.  I’ve survived these setbacks—and more—and am now thriving.  For the past 18 months, I’ve helped other women thrive as well with my coaching.  Lastly, I will also speak wherever and whenever I can to motivate and inspire women and young girls.

There will be lots of blogs.  As a result of my illness this summer, I am living a more holistic life.  I will feature things and people who have helped me become better, which may also help you.  I will also share recipes and tips that have helped me to be a healthier person.  I will also do weekly posts from a Christian perspective.  My faith is an integral part of my life.  Emerging Princess is where you will be able to find help for the whole woman to thrive.

This journey has had a lot of ups and downs.  People say that you should do what you find yourself thinking about.  For me, that’s my business.  I constantly think about how I can help my clients that I come in contact with.

As I rebrand, I’m not going to “try it”.  I am going confidently on the path of my dreams.  Like Nike’s slogan says, I’m “Just Do(ing) It”!

May Your Cup Always Be Full!

Emerging Princess,

Hope, Direction & Strength For Hurting Women

On this December 6th, I want to honour the women who’s lives were lost so many years ago in a senseless slaying.  Here is a link to my blog from last year with My December 6th story.

December 6th Memorial

Friday Inspirista

This chart may be very helpful~especially for anyone who is self employed.

Hope you have a fabulous weekend, WordPress Peeps!

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess  🙂

Excuse Me…Part 2

Excuses are the things that we keep telling ourselves as to why we don’t do something. In the previous post, I talked about FEAR. One of the underlying reasons why we don’t act, is summed up the word excuses.

Excuses are lies, plain and simple. We may blame somebody, something or ourselves, but they are lies. I’ll give you an example:

I have an issue with time. I have been late many times in my life. Sometimes it is only a few minutes. However, for family functions, it could be as much as an hour. For appointments, I could use the excuse that: 1. The subway had a delay, or 2. There was a traffic jam. For the family function, I could inform them that they wanted me to bake bread, after all. It takes 3 hours to make bread, and 1 hour to make no-bake cheesecake! Riiiight. Well, since I brought these topics up, let’s find the holes in my excuses, cleverly disguised as “reasons”.

When I am late for an appointment, do I leave with extra time, or do I time it to get there without a hitch? I leave time for the “without a hitch” scenario, of course! Why would I want to sit in a reception area for an indefinite amount of time? To make a good impression? Yeah, I frequently am running out the door to catch a bus, or sitting in traffic wondering why there are so many people on the road.  Upon arrival at my destination, I find myself running to the appointment to get there with 1 minute to spare. Sweaty face and palms…Good impression!

Now to the baking of the bread thing: Baking bread does take time. However, it is also very methodical. The great thing about bread is, even if it was baked that morning or the night before, it will probably still taste quite fresh. Shot down, yet again!

The truth of the matter is that I never budget enough time. Before recent events, I never gave allowances for getting to appointments on time. My previous coach said that I actually wanted to be EARLY. Yeah. Early has a nice ring to it.

In my blogs, I have often referred back to my healing process. While recovering from my relationship, I was also studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that there is always a payoff for every action. For me, I believe that I hate wasting time. Sitting and doing nothing (although I never, ever do that), seems like such a waste, in my eyes. I feel like I have control when I get to an appointment “just in time“. Am I giving up control by being early? Hardly.

What excuses are you telling yourself for your actions? Things like, “We’ve always done it like this”; “I don’t know how”; “It’s too hard”; and “What will people say?” are all excuses. We may call them reasons, but given a few simple questions, I’m sure you can also poke holes through each of the above comments, too!

Whether it’s change or something familiar done in a different way, trying something new is inevitable in this life. We might as well ditch the excuses and learn to stretch and grow in your new life. The alternative is familiarity and conformity. You know what they say about familiarity… 🙂

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

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Water For The Journey

Book Release PartyOctober 25th, 2013
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