Powerful i AM

I have often shared my story of how I left an abusive relationship. I have many, many stories inside me about how this affected my life, and the lives of my kids.  Today, I am going to share parts my Powerful i AM talk, which I prepared for High School girls.

It’s been almost five years that I left my 23-year, verbally abusive marriage.  My girls were the reason I stayed, and ultimately why I also left.  Financial independence, or lack thereof, is one of the most pressing reasons why women stay in domestic violence.  I was no exception. I didn’t think that I could make it on my own. To be quite honest, I thought that I wouldn’t be able to make ends meet, that I would be always living below the poverty line.  Well, I’ve done that for many of those solo years since leaving. I survived, and I definitely would shake the image that most people have of how poverty looks. That is for another blog!

I stated that I also left because of my girls. Towards the end of my marriage, the two children that were still at home would beg me to leave each and every day. I’d work the 2-10pm shift, and when I came home, they would come out of their rooms and say, “Mumsy, can we leave tonight, pleeeese?”  Or I’d call home on my breaks, and there would be some incident that happened between their father and them.   It truly was mayhem on steroids! One of the biggest driving reasons that cemented my decision to leave was my eldest daughter.  While she was at home, she was the one that got the angriest when her father would yell at me. Yet, despite the fact that she hated what her father did to me, she, too, chose to enter into a verbally abusive relationship.  To make matters worse, she was now pregnant, and determined, like I was, to make her family work.

The knowledge of this, and the stress from my own situation, sent me into a breakdown just before I left. This “meltdown” was extremely hard to go through, as I could not show my ex-husband that I was leaving. So I had a strategic breakdown. Work gave me 2 weeks to get my act together. I sought therapy, and allowed myself to mourn. I gave myself permission to feel the pain of staying in a relationship so long. I grieved the wasted time.  I felt the guilt of exposing my kids to a bully, and therefore setting them up to be bullied~or to be a bully. I journalled my feelings and sobbed and belly-wept.  It was interesting that during this time, I went to places that I once feared~like the park areas above Niagara Falls, which was near my home, and other places with swift-moving waters. Then I went home and held it all together.

After I left the relationship, there was just one thing on my mind: “Get my Baby Girl out!”  There was a motto at the shelter that the Counsellors would tell us: “The longer you’re in, the longer you’re in.” It may not make any sense initially when you read that. I KNEW that if I didn’t convince my daughter  to leave soon, it would be harder later. It became painfully clear to me that Children Learn What They Live, and my daughter had learned from the master.  Here is the poem that I now share with people:

Words of Wisdom…

And I’ll add:

If a child lives with abuse, they learn how to abuse, or be abused.

This is my grandson. He is a beautiful little boy, and smart as a whip!

Ethan Posing

He has a Mother, two Aunties, a Meamah and a Grandma, that are behind him to make sure he is a polite and courteous little boy~and I’ll tell ya, this has been a challenge!. We make sure that he treats women exceptionally well. Why? Because his heritage has flaws in that department. And there is no way that any of the women in his life will stand by and let this little life be ruined!  His mother made it out!

Instead of one person learning how to live after abuse, there were four. My eldest daughter and I went through programs to help us cope with the emotions of living with abuse.  I still take courses and training to improve my mind, and make me a better human being.  The one thing that I have learned which, is a common thread throughout each program is: You have the capability of changing your destiny with the words:  i AM.  You can climb mountains, you can be an entrepreneur, you can make millions, and you can bounce back after abuse. I learned that:  i AM Powerful!

i AM has helped me retrain my mind.  As I was recovering, I would tell myself, “I am amazing”; “I am beautiful”; “I am a good friend”; “I am an All-Star”; “I am successful”!

i AM can shift your destiny!  It can put fire in your belly, and help you up from the crumpled heap that someone may have left you in.

Fill in the blanks for yourself…i AM:

Amazing                               Vivacious

           Unique                                 Blessed

Fantabulous                                  Bold

Extraordinary                                 Strong

                     Smart                               Joyful

                      Brilliant                               Courageous 

My beautiful daughter graduated from college as a Fashion Designer. She is stunning, smart (h’mm, I see a trend here), and an amazing aspiring Designer.

Stephanie & Family-67

(Holla all you Fashion Peeps that can hook a Sista up!)  Yes, it took her a little longer to finish school (ok, a LOT longer).  She was determined that she would re-write her future with the words i AM.  She can tell her own story.  I know that the words i AM changed her destiny!

YOU ARE POWERFUL!

Stephanie, Now the Renaissance Queen

Pursue Your Passion & Live A Legacy

~~~~~~~~~~~

When I created the talk for High School girls, I designed a logo to go with it.  Today, I release the t-shirts that go with this talk. The logo says Powerful i AM, and you can get any empowering word (that is not offensive to race, gender or creed) added to it. I hope you enjoy the ones that I have designed already. If you have an idea for a word that you don’t see (and there will be lots), please e-mail me at programs@createdtoexcel.ca, and I will be happy to get it done for you.

Courageous

Go here to purchase the tees for $20. Thank you, in advance, for your support.

~S

10 Things I Learned About Business From Failed Romances

I’ve had a few failed romances over my lifetime.  I’ve been burned, badly, by a few of them.  Here are 10 things that I have learned, and how they apply to a business.  These views are mine!

1.  If You Don’t Treat Your Business Like Gold, No One Else Will.  Find the best products—that you can afford—to aid your business.  We all start somewhere, but using crappy methods will cause you to have to do things over.  And, as the saying goes, “If you don’t have the time to do things well the first time, when will you have the time to do it over?”

Likewise, if you don’t love and treat yourself like GOLD, people will treat you like aluminum foil, crumple you up, and throw you out for recycling.  You have to stand firm for what’s important to you.  Realize that you are Tiffany quality, and let the dollar-store people go!

2.  Be Proud Of What You Do.  Shout it from the rooftops.  Use Social Media.  Tell the world  about what you are bringing to the marketplace.   You’ve put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this endeavour.  Make sure it showcases well.  (I do understand that you may not want people to know about an initial planning stage due to dream-stealers.  Yet, this does not mean that you are not proud of the business you are embarking on.)

Your romantic relationship should also make you proud.  When you love a great guy or gal, you want the world to know that this is your special person.  Secrets breed mistrust, and show that you may not be fully committed.  In the end, secrets will come to light…when you least expect it!

3.  Make Your Business A Priority.  Be Passionate about your business.  Put your heart and soul into it.  If you put part-time effort into it, you will get part-time results.  Your business should be a priority in your life.  When you put things before your bottom line—like browsing the internet, cleaning the office, or procrastinating on tasks that will help propel your business forward—you will suffer financially.  I know.  I’ve been there!

When you are in a serious relationship, your special person becomes a priority in your life.  If you are not passionate about seeing your mate, spending time with them, or making them a priority, you will lose them.  The question then is, “Why are you even in the relationship?”  Eventually, they will even come before your kids (if you have any).  I believe however, it should be after God (or whoever is your Higher Power).  God first, then relationship, business/kids/family (you sort out that order).  Points 1-3 seem like they are the same thing, but they are not.  They work hand-in-hand.

4.  Your Values Matter.  If you want to have weekends off, don’t start off working on weekends, unless you know for sure it’s only for a season.  Bending the rules, “just this once”, can lead to a myriad of chain reactions that you may regret.  It’s too hard to backtrack once you have bent the rules.

Don’t compromise your values for love.  When you compromise your values, you will be out of alignment with your moral compass, core and driving needs.  You will become unhappy.  It’s just a matter of time.  If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything!

5.  Reward Yourself.  When you have accomplished some milestone, give yourself a gift.  I mean really get into, and FEEL joy of receiving the gift—even if it’s something small when you start out.  This action will help you remember the positive vibes of accomplishing the goal.  You will want to recreate that feeling—and accomplish more goals.  One success begets another.

Reward your partner for kind deeds.  When they do something nice for you, tell them so.  If you see something that they like and you can purchase it, do so.  Who doesn’t love an unexpected gift?  (Again, I stress that you HAVE the finances to purchase it!)  I have yet to see someone who is unhappy to be spoiled and doted on (I didn’t say smothered!)  We love to be rewarded.  Nuff said!

Courtesy Free Digital Downloads

Courtesy Free Digital Downloads

6.  Honesty Is The Best Policy.  No one likes a crooked business(wo)man.  Keep everything above-board, and you will have less to try to hide at tax time.

Honesty is the best policy in relationships as well.  No one likes a cheater and a liar.  And if it’s you, stop!

7.  Get the Family Involved.  In both business and your relationship, when you are getting started, you may need to enlist the help of your family.  If your family is not on side with your business, they will sabotage your efforts.  It may not be openly.  If you are spending long hours working your business, or if you have moved into another income bracket, resentments may also arise.  How dare you leave them behind?  If you need to spend a season on a project, and it will affect your significant other, or your family, make sure they know beforehand.  Arrange a reward for the completion of the project.  Save face before you have to kiss feet.

8.  Get Help.  It sucks to do business alone!  It’s lonely, and you end up living in a vacuum.  Reach out to others in your same field through associations, or Linkedin/FB Groups.  Coaching is THE best way to catapult your business forward.  The accountability has a way of getting your butt in gear!

Before you need help with your relationship, I think it’s helpful to connect with other successful couples.  Conversely, reading about how the opposite sex operates is also helpful.  I have been reading about successful relationships for a while.  Each bit of information gives more insight as to how relationships work.  And I’ll never “arrive”.  That knowledge alone keeps me wanting to learn more.

9.  Give Back.  You started somewhere, and it probably wasn’t at the top.  Before your business is even at the million-dollar mark, start giving a little here and there.  It can be time or finances, but there is never an over-abundance of volunteers.  I have yet to see an organization say, “Please don’t help us”.  What is your pet charity?  How can you help them now?

I believe that volunteering couples help keep selfishness at bay.  Volunteering can strengthen a relationship, and bring a couple closer together.  (Providing there are no hidden agendas.)  Emotional experiences strengthen bonds, and leave a lasting impression on our lives.

10.  It Won’t Be Easy, But It Will Be Worth It.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for, in business, and in love.  If you believe in the business, (or the person you love), you are in integrity, and it is worth fighting for…FIGHT!  We humans—myself included—give up way too easily!  Fight for what you love!

I learned these things the hard way.  My hope is that you glean some nuggets of truth from these points.

Pursue Your Passions & Live A Legacy!

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

www.createdtoexcel.ca

7 Reasons Why I Love the 4th of July

While most people celebrate the 4th of July for America’s Independence, I celebrate it for entirely different reasons. A few significant things happened to me on this day. I am very grateful because these things affect many other aspects of my life. Here’s why the 4th of July means so much to me. To be fair, America did make the list! 😉

1. America, & The World’s Longest Unmanned Border
I am grateful that I live beside/above the United States of America. I love that we can take day-trips to Buffalo to shop (from the Tdot). I love that we can be Snow Birds to Florida, Arizona or any other warm winter spot. I love that we share so much history with you (although some were through wars! LOL) We do have the world’s longest unmanned border. It means that there is no military at any of our border crossings. To bring it home, no one with a gun is standing guard at the Peace or Rainbow Bridges. That is a great feat. We should be very proud!

2. New Lease on Life #1
My New Life began four years ago today. After strategizing for 156 Days, I finally left a 23-year, verbally abusive marriage. Has it been easy? No! Will I go back? Not a chance! I thoroughly enjoy my new life, challenges and all. I am now an advocate for Domestic Violence. I’m very, very happy that I left when I did. Wished I did it sooner. Grateful that I’ve been given a chance to redesign my future.

3. New Lease on Life #2
For those of you who don’t know it yet, “Children Learn What They Live”. I believe this so strongly that I have put the poem in one of my books, and it’s part of a talk that I give. My daughter followed my example. Thank God, she learned from my mistakes~and her own~ and is living free from abuse as well.

4. My Kids & My Grandson
My kids went through more than any little girls should. They saw their Mother crying A LOT! They stuck by me, giving me hugs and crying along side me on the bad days. I’m forever grateful for the times that we spent bonding in Sista 1’s room, and laughing over silliness. As a result of those times, we can make up the wildest stories about the most mundane events! I thank God for these beautiful young ladies.

When my Grandson was born, we women were determined that the “Little Man” would have a very centered start to his life. He essentially has 5 Mamas (his paternal grandmother has joined the fray). Manners are essential, and he loves to hug and love on people (after he’s checked you out). I’m thankful that his history does not determine his future!

5. New Lease on Life #3
I am very, very grateful that the doctors figured out that I had a Small Bowel Obstruction on July 3rd, 2012, and not on July 4th, 2012. See, if they didn’t do the surgery a year ago today, I wouldn’t be making this blog. It’s only after I recuperated, that I realized the severity of SBO. I am grateful to the doctor who wouldn’t let me leave the hospital when I was tired of waiting~yes, I actually wanted to go home, even though I had not eaten in 3 days. I am really happy to be alive!

6. Free Healthcare: T&T, Canada
So, free Healthcare has been a debate for many countries. I am so thankful that I didn’t have to worry. If my SBO surgery was required in Canada, the Healthcare is free. It so happened that I had the surgery in Trinidad. I’m a native…it was FREE. There are two eerie things that happened with this, though. First, the day before I left on my trip, I was asked if I wanted travel insurance. I refused saying, “I’m not going to Trinidad to get sick!” H’mm, interesting. The second is that I had a stop-over in Miami. Had I gotten ill in Miami, it would have been a whole different story. I’m VErY grateful for free Healthcare!

7. Freedom, Plain & Simple
I can worship my God, sing, dance, or not. I can walk the streets freely. I can go to school~or not. I can wear booty shorts~NOT! The list can go on and on. There is NOTHING quite like living in a FREE country. NOTHING. It’s only when you go to a country that’s restrictive that you can really appreciate it. I’m not American. We Canadians celebrated our Independence Day on July 1st. Yet, I am very aware that we both are very, very grateful for our freedom.

Last week, I discovered my “WHY”. I knew it in my belly, but I got my AHA moment then. Here it is: “I have almost lost something precious to me (my life). I am on a mission (compelled) to tell people that they cannot go through life numb!” Find your passion and pursue it! Live your Legacy!

A different post, for a special day! God Bless Us, Every One!

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

Foodie Friday

Cocoa butter

Cocoa butter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Although it’s Foodie Friday, today’s entry is not really food (although most ingredients are edible).  It’s more like a recipe for great winter hands.  I love when my hands are hydrated.  Dry hands, especially in the winter, are not my fave thing.  For years, I have made various concoctions of creams to help keep my skin soft.  I even came up with a belly cream for my daughter to use to prevent stretch marks when she was pregnant with my grandson. It worked~she doesn’t have a single striae there.  She doesn’t even look like she had a baby! 😥  (I really should start writing some of this stuff down, as people always comment on how well my creams work.)  And since I’m on more of a health-kick since my surgery, today’s feature was right up my alley.

I was really happy when I found this hard lotion recipe.  I added more coconut oil and cocoa butter because brown hands can handle~and often need~more “grease”.  Fiddle around with the recipe.  Make 1 little bar, stick it in the freezer and test it out.  If you don’t like it, melt it down and keep working until you like it.  Everyone has different tolerance levels for moisture & oil on their hands.

The original recipe was from one of my fave sites, Made On.

In a double boiler, melt equal amounts of beeswax, shea butter and coconut oil.  Stir until fully melted.  Pour into moulds and enjoy!  I used paper muffin cups for larger ones (1/4 full) and plastic ice cube trays for ones that I put in my purse.  For different fragrances, add a few drops of essential oils, such as vanilla, to smell your preference.  (I made ylang ylang and lemon.)

Like I said, I added more oils, about 2 tbs of coconut oil and cocoa butter, but my hands can handle it!  You can mix and match oils quite easily.  Oh, and these are all natural butters, not processed!  For those allergic to beeswax, a hard lotion can be made with soya.  I’ve experimented with one, but have not had success as yet.  Will post when I do.

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Stephanie, Emerging Princess

Living Liberally (Part IV)

So far, I’ve talked about Leaving a Legacy and Living Lightly.  The middle part of my speech, as I said before, is Live Liberally.  In addition to being the opposite of “fundamental”, I try to also think of the word Liberal as a synonym of free.

What have you always wanted to try, but your thinking has limited you?  Have you always wanted to jet ski?  What is stopping you?  Is it a secret desire of yours to go to Australia for a vacation?  What is stopping you from setting the plans in motion?  Have you begun to check things off your Bucket List?  Do you have a Bucket List?

For over 20 years, I have not been in a pool, nor have I owned or worn a bathing suit. I was terrified of the water.  This problem began when I was a kid, in the West Indies.  I found myself on a “homemade” glass-bottom boat in the middle of the Atlantic.  Visions of the boat coming apart, and the passengers drowning were very real to me at the time.  And this has lasted through much of my adult life.  As a result of my Bucket List, I was determined to buy a bathing suit, and get into water. I set my plans into motion. On a whim, I volunteered to go on someone’s sailboat to “help” man the sails. It is a good thing that I forgot about my promise until the last minute, or I would have probably backed down. When I told my youngest daughter what I was doing, she reminded me that I was afraid of the water. “Not any more”, I replied and ran off for my adventure. I decided that I could do it. I let go of my inhibitions and I sat~or stood~on the edge of a sailboat at a 45⁰ angle to the water at times. I had a blast! My conclusion: You need to be buff to man a sailboat!  Since then, I have also been able to get into pools, and have even gotten into the ocean several times over the summer (despite my major surgery). I am not a great swimmer, but I got into water, AND I own a bathing suit!

There are so many wonderful things that you can try.  The world is full of interesting places to go and remarkable people to see.  Even the mundane can take on a new spin by changing one or two things.  Going to and from work the same way every day causes creativity to go dormant.  Maybe you could try a different route, if not there, then on the way home.  If that is not possible, try something else that you can change without creating too many problems.  Even getting onto a different car on the public transit system can drastically change the events of your day~and the people that you meet..

Life is so very short.  The mundane can make a person stir crazy (but it is so easy to slip into it)!  When I think of all the things I have yet to try, I wonder how I’m gonna fit it all into my schedule sometimes.  If your life has gotten dull and boring, try pepping it up by injecting a dose of Living Liberally!

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess☺

Living Lightly (Part III)

In my last blog, I talked about Leaving and Living a Legacy. Today, I will tackle the first part of my speech, “Live Lightly”. But, what exactly does this mean?

By Living Lightly, I refer to letting go of the non-important incidents that happen in your life. Do you sweat the small stuff? Does everything have to be done a certain way, or you will be out of sorts?  Are you a person who must have your Starbuck’s coffee each morning, or you’re doomed?  Can you move on after a disagreement, or do you hold on to it for months on end?

I love to have certain things done in a particular manner, and items in my house put in particular places. However, after starting my Coaching practice, I realized that it takes a lot of time. I have adult children who now assist with many aspects of running my household. As a result of this, I have had to learn which battles are worth picking, and which ones that just have to go! And, occasionally, the motherly stubbornness wants to set in and take over, but I much prefer to have a relationship with my kids than quibble over something that won’t change our value system.

For me, taking public transit definitely teaches me to Live Lightly. Toronto is a very eclectic city. Unfortunately, some people were not taught manners at an early age~or they have forgotten them. When you are sitting on a train and someone is blasting loud music while you are trying to study Psychology, well, you either get angry, or learn to Live Lightly. The relative that really annoys you at family functions~they are you, Living Lightly personified!

Living Lightly, like Leaving a Legacy, is a choice. Take some time to analyze the situation that is before you. Ask yourself, “Will this matter tomorrow, next week, next month or next year”? Most times, this elevates the situation to the “absurd” level and makes it not worth the fight.

Letting go, forgiving and Living Lightly all go hand-in-hand.  Next time, I will address how I Live Liberally.

Living Your Legacy (Part II)

To continue with my last blog, not only can one Leave a Legacy, but you can Live your Legacy as well.  That can be done in three ways:

1.  What Do You Want To Create?

Is there something that you want to be known for in your professional life?  Are you a great negotiator?  A fair leader?  Maybe you are known as a peacemaker?  Or perhaps you are the one who brings the doughnuts and treats to the office.  You are known for something, and if you don’t like what you are known for, change it!  We have the power to do that.  Create something more memorable!

2.  Who Do Want To Emulate?

There is a world of people out there.  Somewhere, someone has done what you are doing now, or attempting to do.  Who is this person?  Google can help here.  The person doesn’t have to be famous.  However, they can be a means of insight and information for the path that you wish to take.  Remember:  Success leaves tracks.  When you choose a mentor/hero, I suggest finding someone who is/was not addicted to a substance, and didn’t die an untimely death.  There is not sense emulating someone who is a known alcoholic, or who died early in life.  Lastly,

3.  Where Do You Want To Spend Your Time, Talent and Treasure?

By this, I mean your time outside of work.  What organizations or agencies do you want to give back to?  Can you sing?  Maybe you can volunteer at a senior’s home and cheer up the residents with your music.  Do you own something unique?  I bet you would have your local kindergarteners, or other pertinent group, awestruck.  Maybe you are blessed financially, and can support a project or initiative of a local charity.  Volunteering is so under-rated.  Giving to an organization that will probably not be able to give you financial returns can be extremely rewarding.  I know that when I do, I feel a great sense of accomplishment.  I feel like I’ve taken my mind off my problems, if even for a few hours.

When we take the three steps described above, I believe that we can take steps to not only leave, but Live Your Legacy.

May Your Cup Always Be Full!

Friday Inspirista

This chart may be very helpful~especially for anyone who is self employed.

Hope you have a fabulous weekend, WordPress Peeps!

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess  🙂

Who Moved My Ball?

Many of us are fans of the comic strip by the late Charles M. Schulz.  His “Peanuts” comic strip, was one I looked forward to reading on a Saturday evening~after all my chores were done, of course!  Charlie Brown was a character that most of us could identify with at some point in our lives.  The recurring scene where Charlie Brown attempts to kick a football–which Lucy is holding, is a familiar one.  “He’s been through this before”, we all think.  “Lucy always moves the ball!”  However, each time Charlie Brown trusts her again.  For the umpteenth time, he takes a run for it, and when he’s ready to take a goal-scoring kick…he goes flying, and lands flat on his back!

Who moved my ball indeed!

That Charlie Brown scene was what was going through my mind recently as I, too, lay flat on my back.  Except, I was in a hospital room recovering from emergency surgery.  WHO MOVED MY BALL?  Was I even playing the game?  Why me?  Why now?

Many other questions went through my mind while in that hospital room.  The first thing was that, if doctors come to do emergency surgery, “no” is not an available option.  The second thing was the magnitude of my procedure.  This, I discovered the first time the nurse came to change my dressing.  “Oh my word!” was all I could say at the sight of my belly-length scar.  The third thing that troubled me was the thought, “Will I ever be able to use my left hand again?’  I am left-handed.  My IV was in my left hand, after an unsuccessful right-hand run.  The left hand had swollen and my fingers non-functional. (Call me self-absorbed!)

As quickly as those thoughts came to me, my analytical brain found answers~go figure.  For thought number one, I was grateful that I had a fabulous team of doctors.  I was especially grateful that the doctors found my problem in a timely fashion.  Some people who had my same problem were not as fortunate.  Secondly, I was never gonna wear belly-tops anyways!  After bearing three children, I have all the tributaries of the world etched on my belly in the form of stretch marks.  This new scar added another dimension.  And, writing with my left hand…I needed to suck it up and learn to write with my right hand, if need be.

To be quite fair, those questions were secondary in comparison to this one:  What about my business?  Up until that point, I had many things regulated that related to my business.  I was attempting to blog twice weekly.  I was tweeting regularly again.  I checked my stats, etc. etc.  However, I DID IT ALL…I was not at a place where I had an assistant as yet.  So, if I wasn’t physically doing these things, it wasn’t happening.  After I got sick, I couldn’t wrap my head around doing things for the business at all.  All I could manage was eating, napping, and pacing the house to pass gas!  But my subconscious still worried about the things that were not happening to let the world know that I was in business.  Finally, I got a recurring internal message, “Just drop the ball, Stephanie”.

And, that’s what I did.  Dropping the ball freed me in ways I could never have imagined.  I was able to enjoy the pampering from my extended family.  To be fair, I’ve never really been pampered like that before!  I allowed people to do my laundry, serve me hot chocolate in bed, make me food, and bring me mangoes and coconuts~and I loved it!  I was able to enjoy the birds singing, the daily chasing of lizards and birds from my room…the fact that I was alive!  During this pensive time, I discovered that:  1.  My opinions on failure and disappointment have completely changed (I feel another blog coming!);  2.  My business structure has also morphed;  and 3.  My feelings on what is important to me have completely evolved.

I totally was not expecting that “Lucy Manoeuvre” in my life.  I was on vacation, visiting family that I had not seen in years, for goodness sake!  Although, I am still healing physically, I’m slowly picking myself up, I’ve dusted off my behind, and am re-positioning myself in the game…with some valuable life lessons.  I wasn’t happy during the “Manoeuvre”, but I am glad for what I learned from it.

The next time someone or something moves my ball, I am hoping that I can turn and say, “Thanks, Lucy!”

May Your Cup Always Be Full!

I remember this song from when my kids listened to it years ago.  I’m not a lover of the skimpily-clad dancing scenes, but the chorus really speaks to me.

Excuse Me…Part 2

Excuses are the things that we keep telling ourselves as to why we don’t do something. In the previous post, I talked about FEAR. One of the underlying reasons why we don’t act, is summed up the word excuses.

Excuses are lies, plain and simple. We may blame somebody, something or ourselves, but they are lies. I’ll give you an example:

I have an issue with time. I have been late many times in my life. Sometimes it is only a few minutes. However, for family functions, it could be as much as an hour. For appointments, I could use the excuse that: 1. The subway had a delay, or 2. There was a traffic jam. For the family function, I could inform them that they wanted me to bake bread, after all. It takes 3 hours to make bread, and 1 hour to make no-bake cheesecake! Riiiight. Well, since I brought these topics up, let’s find the holes in my excuses, cleverly disguised as “reasons”.

When I am late for an appointment, do I leave with extra time, or do I time it to get there without a hitch? I leave time for the “without a hitch” scenario, of course! Why would I want to sit in a reception area for an indefinite amount of time? To make a good impression? Yeah, I frequently am running out the door to catch a bus, or sitting in traffic wondering why there are so many people on the road.  Upon arrival at my destination, I find myself running to the appointment to get there with 1 minute to spare. Sweaty face and palms…Good impression!

Now to the baking of the bread thing: Baking bread does take time. However, it is also very methodical. The great thing about bread is, even if it was baked that morning or the night before, it will probably still taste quite fresh. Shot down, yet again!

The truth of the matter is that I never budget enough time. Before recent events, I never gave allowances for getting to appointments on time. My previous coach said that I actually wanted to be EARLY. Yeah. Early has a nice ring to it.

In my blogs, I have often referred back to my healing process. While recovering from my relationship, I was also studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that there is always a payoff for every action. For me, I believe that I hate wasting time. Sitting and doing nothing (although I never, ever do that), seems like such a waste, in my eyes. I feel like I have control when I get to an appointment “just in time“. Am I giving up control by being early? Hardly.

What excuses are you telling yourself for your actions? Things like, “We’ve always done it like this”; “I don’t know how”; “It’s too hard”; and “What will people say?” are all excuses. We may call them reasons, but given a few simple questions, I’m sure you can also poke holes through each of the above comments, too!

Whether it’s change or something familiar done in a different way, trying something new is inevitable in this life. We might as well ditch the excuses and learn to stretch and grow in your new life. The alternative is familiarity and conformity. You know what they say about familiarity… 🙂

May Your Cup Always Be Full,

Emerging Princess

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Water For The Journey

Book Release PartyOctober 25th, 2013
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