I have often shared my story of how I left an abusive relationship. I have many, many stories inside me about how this affected my life, and the lives of my kids. Today, I am going to share parts my Powerful i AM talk, which I prepared for High School girls.
It’s been almost five years that I left my 23-year, verbally abusive marriage. My girls were the reason I stayed, and ultimately why I also left. Financial independence, or lack thereof, is one of the most pressing reasons why women stay in domestic violence. I was no exception. I didn’t think that I could make it on my own. To be quite honest, I thought that I wouldn’t be able to make ends meet, that I would be always living below the poverty line. Well, I’ve done that for many of those solo years since leaving. I survived, and I definitely would shake the image that most people have of how poverty looks. That is for another blog!
I stated that I also left because of my girls. Towards the end of my marriage, the two children that were still at home would beg me to leave each and every day. I’d work the 2-10pm shift, and when I came home, they would come out of their rooms and say, “Mumsy, can we leave tonight, pleeeese?” Or I’d call home on my breaks, and there would be some incident that happened between their father and them. It truly was mayhem on steroids! One of the biggest driving reasons that cemented my decision to leave was my eldest daughter. While she was at home, she was the one that got the angriest when her father would yell at me. Yet, despite the fact that she hated what her father did to me, she, too, chose to enter into a verbally abusive relationship. To make matters worse, she was now pregnant, and determined, like I was, to make her family work.
The knowledge of this, and the stress from my own situation, sent me into a breakdown just before I left. This “meltdown” was extremely hard to go through, as I could not show my ex-husband that I was leaving. So I had a strategic breakdown. Work gave me 2 weeks to get my act together. I sought therapy, and allowed myself to mourn. I gave myself permission to feel the pain of staying in a relationship so long. I grieved the wasted time. I felt the guilt of exposing my kids to a bully, and therefore setting them up to be bullied~or to be a bully. I journalled my feelings and sobbed and belly-wept. It was interesting that during this time, I went to places that I once feared~like the park areas above Niagara Falls, which was near my home, and other places with swift-moving waters. Then I went home and held it all together.
After I left the relationship, there was just one thing on my mind: “Get my Baby Girl out!” There was a motto at the shelter that the Counsellors would tell us: “The longer you’re in, the longer you’re in.” It may not make any sense initially when you read that. I KNEW that if I didn’t convince my daughter to leave soon, it would be harder later. It became painfully clear to me that Children Learn What They Live, and my daughter had learned from the master. Here is the poem that I now share with people:
Words of Wisdom…
And I’ll add:
If a child lives with abuse, they learn how to abuse, or be abused.
This is my grandson. He is a beautiful little boy, and smart as a whip!
He has a Mother, two Aunties, a Meamah and a Grandma, that are behind him to make sure he is a polite and courteous little boy~and I’ll tell ya, this has been a challenge!. We make sure that he treats women exceptionally well. Why? Because his heritage has flaws in that department. And there is no way that any of the women in his life will stand by and let this little life be ruined! His mother made it out!
Instead of one person learning how to live after abuse, there were four. My eldest daughter and I went through programs to help us cope with the emotions of living with abuse. I still take courses and training to improve my mind, and make me a better human being. The one thing that I have learned which, is a common thread throughout each program is: You have the capability of changing your destiny with the words: i AM. You can climb mountains, you can be an entrepreneur, you can make millions, and you can bounce back after abuse. I learned that: i AM Powerful!
i AM has helped me retrain my mind. As I was recovering, I would tell myself, “I am amazing”; “I am beautiful”; “I am a good friend”; “I am an All-Star”; “I am successful”!
i AM can shift your destiny! It can put fire in your belly, and help you up from the crumpled heap that someone may have left you in.
Fill in the blanks for yourself…i AM:
Amazing Vivacious
Unique Blessed
Fantabulous Bold
Extraordinary Strong
Smart Joyful
Brilliant Courageous
My beautiful daughter graduated from college as a Fashion Designer. She is stunning, smart (h’mm, I see a trend here), and an amazing aspiring Designer.
(Holla all you Fashion Peeps that can hook a Sista up!) Yes, it took her a little longer to finish school (ok, a LOT longer). She was determined that she would re-write her future with the words i AM. She can tell her own story. I know that the words i AM changed her destiny!
YOU ARE POWERFUL!
Stephanie, Now the Renaissance Queen
Pursue Your Passion & Live A Legacy
~~~~~~~~~~~
When I created the talk for High School girls, I designed a logo to go with it. Today, I release the t-shirts that go with this talk. The logo says Powerful i AM, and you can get any empowering word (that is not offensive to race, gender or creed) added to it. I hope you enjoy the ones that I have designed already. If you have an idea for a word that you don’t see (and there will be lots), please e-mail me at programs@createdtoexcel.ca, and I will be happy to get it done for you.
Go here to purchase the tees for $20. Thank you, in advance, for your support.
~S
emergingprincess 